I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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