you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize