I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
