I'd wear matching sweaters with you
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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