I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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