Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
