these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
