I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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