I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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