it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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