for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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