I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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