names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
