You really coming over, don't trick.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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