the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize