There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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