Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
