I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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