the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
