I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
