i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
