It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Be still, my beating vagina.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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