mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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