I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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