You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
