Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
