She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
