Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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