idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
