i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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