Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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