so that wasnt chicken after all
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
