My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Dick very happy bro
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
