Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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