so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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