I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize