so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize