You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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