took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
