He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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