i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The feeling are messing with the penis
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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