Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
