The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
