She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize