she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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