I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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