mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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