The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
did i walk over a car last night?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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