so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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