the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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