You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
