I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
This baby is an asshole
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
