Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
