Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
In America we eat man semen.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Randomize
