True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
