The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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