I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
