i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
