Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize