never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's shark week go big or go home
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
