Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
