dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
