It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize