i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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