ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
