are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Holy shit dude........stairs
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
