im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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