when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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