remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
