He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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