i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
