Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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