Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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