"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
did i just pee glitter
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
