I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
we're making bets on your personal life
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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