AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
