Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Yo dont text me then not text me
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize