its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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