Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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