Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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