and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I need a beard to bite.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
