You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
two words: eviction party
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
