surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
