The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize