I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
