So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
