No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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