I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
