so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
