you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
