I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize