I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
