Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
