he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
