There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
