I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
