okay pat passed out under dana's car
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
