Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
